Friday, May 14, 2010

Suzi: What day is it? Who cares?

A few nights ago we were at someone’s house, and Cooper needed to eat.  I excused myself and went into a bedroom to nurse him.  This process takes us a while.  When Cooper gets warm and cozy he has a tendency to fall asleep, so, it takes a while to wake him back up.  Then there’s burping, changing his diaper (and perhaps changing his clothes) in addition to the actual feeding.  It can easily take us 40 minutes to cover this process with my pokey eater.
We had been in the room for about 30 minutes when I started to feel a little awkward about how long this was taking us.  I started thinking, “Cooper, please hurry up.”  Then I looked at him…I looked at his eyes.  He could care less how long we had been in there or how much longer we would be.  He had taken a break to stare at the bedspread he had never seen before.  Then he took another one to listen to the evening call to prayer, which we could hear much better than we can at our house.  Eventually, we finished and rejoined everyone else; the plump, pokey eater dozing in my arms
Cooper wakes up in the morning (or in the middle of the night!) and just does what he needs to do.  He doesn’t know what time it is or what day of the week it is or how long anything should take.  He doesn’t know that on Saturdays you’re supposed to sleep in or on Mondays you’re supposed to feel blue because you’re back at work.  Everyday is the same for him.  I love that…although it’s forcing me to confront my very scheduled ways.
The other day, Cooper and I sat outside on a lovely afternoon.  We watched a cat nervously scamper by, saw a beautiful white butterfly float through the air and studied the green pods in the carob trees.  It wasn’t scheduled, and it wasn’t on my list of things to do.  We weren’t doing anything…it was wonderful.
Letting go of some of the structure in my life is both exhilarating and terrifying.  Cooper has only been with us for a month, and already I feel forever changed.  What else will change for me as we travel this road together?  I can’t wait to find out.

1 comment:

Andrew said...

Very insightful. I hope I can feel the same serenity when I have children.