Monday, March 22, 2010

23 Days

So, how about some commentary on OUR baby?
Enough with this whole "Heidi, did this, did that, went here, went there!"  You'd think she was Jaime's first born or the first grandchild for Vernon & Glynnda or something.  WELL... if they think that Heidi's the ONLY baby in town... they've got 23 days left.
And then we'll have ours.  And there'll be TWO grandchildren.  Heidi's time in the spotlight is QUICKLY coming to an end!
Muwhaaahhaaa!! (insert Dr. Claw voice here)
(Suzi has just come in and asked, "What are you writing about?  You look like a suspicious Muppet."  I think I must have been unconsciously doing the "Muwhaaahhaaa."  It's hard to attempt cynical prose when you look like a Suspicious Muppet.)
Of course, all that blather above is simply that... blather.  Mainly we haven't said much about our impending parenthood because we've been living in the "pre-baby" reality that allows you blissful ignorance of the storm quickly approaching.  There'll be plenty of that soon enough.
And to all those who say the 9 months just flies by and you can't believe how fast the baby got there, please enjoy that parallel universe you're in.  It has absolutely nothing to do with our gestation period.  At our current rate, we're giving birth to an elephant.
("I don't know what's wrong, Babar, I've just been a little emotional for the PAST TWO YEARS!")
Yes, according to good Dr. Azar, McBaby is coming along nicely.  He's shown us pictures of femurs and measured skull growth.  We've heard the rat-tat-tat of the heart and watched its trance-inducing rhythmic pulsations.  But, I'm telling you, after Heidi needed a crowbar to come out, I'm more and more convinced this last month is gonna last FOREVER!
McBaby, come on, already!  Let's get this family thing on the road so I can show you how to properly set an EQ for JBLs.  There's this huge remote-controlled Hummer that's totally got your name on it... every time I wander through toy sections I try to figure out how to cram stuff in a suitcase for you.  I absolutely know you're gonna love your mom's scissor craft ability 'cause your dad can't cut a straight line with a ruler.  Did you know I've got a 6-foot kite with hand controls?  You can steer the thing!  And wait till you see the little parrot hanging off your Moses basket... It's got two fruit-lookin' things to munch on, safely just out of reach so we can be good parents. 
Are you going to be insatiably curious about what's behind that wall over there?  Or are you going to wait like your mom until I come report they've hidden snacks back there and I snagged cookies for all of us?  How am I going to wake you up in the morning for your first day of school?  Will you want french fries for breakfast, too, or will you be fiendin' for an apple and oatmeal like Mom?  McBaby, you've got so much to learn about... like how to print in blue when the black ink runs out or that those tears of gratitude are perfectly acceptable when you feel the tangible love of God in prayer.
Did I mention that a few days ago I had a dream about you for the first time?  Didn't see you up close, but I was just walking about with you cradled in my arm. When I woke up I thought,

"Dude, this is for real... I must be pretty excited about it."


Preston Winfrey said...

That's classic. It's quite hilarious imagining Suzi stumbling upon your unconscious evil laugh. It's so cool that your baby is going to be born in Amman! May the next 23 days be full of excitement!

Christina said...

Nine months always goes by quickly for everyone but the expectant parents! :-)

Maya said...

Scott, this post made me cry... you guys are really truly going to be the coolest parents ever!

Anonymous said...

Your baby will be here before you know it. So get all the sleep you can now. I know you and Suzi will be the greatest parents

Anonymous said...

I'm with Maya. I had to tear up reading what you wrote. You two will be wonderful parents and that kid is blessed big time to have you as his/her (I think it is a boy.)parents :)!!